Marriage and Divorce, Part 2
Matthew 19:7-9
We are in Matthew 19, continuing where we left off last time. Remember in Matthew 19:1-6, the Pharisees came to test Jesus by asking Him about a religiously, politically, and emotionally charged issue: the subject of divorce. I realize that for many of you, the subject of divorce is a sensitive subject. Divorce has affected most every family whether directly or through parents, siblings, or children. I have no desire to add to the pain and grief of your situation. I simply desire to preach what the word of God says. And I pray that the Lord speaks conviction and comfort to our hearts through it.
In Jesus’ day, the issue of divorce was politically charged because Herod, the ruler of this area of Judea, had lustfully taken his brother’s wife as his own. When John the Baptist condemned him for this, Herod had John imprisoned and executed. The Pharisees would have relished seeing Jesus face the same fate. The issue was religiously charged because the Pharisees, knowing Jesus would likely take a firm stance against divorce (He had already done so in the Sermon on the Mount in Matthew 5:32), hoped to accuse Jesus of contradicting the Law of Moses. Therefore, they asked Jesus, “Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for just any reason?” (Matt. 19:3).
In answering, Jesus took them back to the very beginning of God’s revelation through Moses—to God’s creation of man and woman in the first two chapters of Genesis. In Matthew 19:4, Jesus said that God designed marriage to be one man and one woman. In Matthew 19:5, Jesus showed that God designed marriage to be a covenant that forms a primary union of the two into one flesh—a strong bond. In Matthew 19:6, Jesus said it is God who joins a man and woman in marriage, and therefore marriage should not be broken. Putting it together Jesus said that God’s plan for marriage is one man and one woman in a covenant relationship where God forms a one-flesh union for life.
Of course, this didn’t satisfy the Pharisees, who were not really wanting to learn the truth of God’s word from Jesus. Rather, they were looking for a reason to accuse Jesus. So, seeing that Jesus has taken a firm stand on God’s design for the priority and permanence of marriage, they again pressed the point about divorce. Perhaps they thought that Jesus had played right into their hands. Now they can accuse Him of contradicting the law of Moses. So, they ask Him…
1. Why Did Moses Give Laws about Divorce? (Matt. 19:7-8)
“They said to Him, “Why then did Moses command to give a certificate of divorce, and to put her away?”” (Matt. 19:7). These unbelieving Pharisees were seeking to get Jesus painted into a corner, making Him disagree with what Moses wrote from God. Notice how they ask this question. They imply that “Moses commanded” them to divorce their wives. Isn’t that just how the sinful heart of unbelief works—twisting God’s word and saying that it’s full of contradictions—all in order to avoid obeying what it says?
As I said last time, the Pharisees are basing their question on Deuteronomy 24. There, God speaks to the people of Israel through Moses and says:
1 “When a man takes a wife and marries her, and it happens that she finds no favor in his eyes because he has found some uncleanness in her, and he writes her a certificate of divorce, puts it in her hand, and sends her out of his house, 2 when she has departed from his house, and goes and becomes another man’s wife, 3 if the latter husband detests her and writes her a certificate of divorce, puts it in her hand, and sends her out of his house, or if the latter husband dies who took her as his wife, 4 then her former husband who divorced her must not take her back to be his wife after she has been defiled; for that is an abomination before the LORD, and you shall not bring sin on the land which the LORD your God is giving you as an inheritance.” (Deut. 24:1-4)
Unlike the Ten Commandments, this law of Moses was not a codification of God’s religious and ethical standards, it was more like case law. It describes a situation and what to do in that case. The case involves a man who marries a wife and then “she finds no favor in his eyes because he has found some uncleanness in her” (Deut. 24:1). Then he writes a formal “certificate of divorce, puts it in her hand, and sends her out of his house”(Deut 24:2). With divorce papers in hand, this woman goes out and marries another man. Again, for some reason, the husband divorces her. According to custom, he writes the divorce papers (Deut. 24:3), places it in her hand, and sends her out of his house. Or Moses says, perhaps the second husband dies—either way, that marriage also is terminated.
Notice that all these “when” and “if” statements are hypothetical. They set the conditions of the situation. The conclusion comes in Deuteronomy 24:4, “then her former husband who divorced her must not take her back to be his wife after she has been defiled.” The only command in this passage is not about divorce, it is a prohibition concerning remarriage. She must not be remarried to the first husband after being defiled by her second marriage.
So, notice this: Moses does not command divorce in this passage. He presumes in this case that the divorces happened. He assumes that the husbands gave the wife certificates that said so. It says nothing about whether God or Moses approved of divorce in any way.
And neither does this passage address the grounds of divorce. Moses simply reported that the man divorced his wife because found “some uncleanness” in her. It does not comment on whether this “uncleanness” necessitated divorce in God’s eyes, only that it did in the husband’s eyes. What was this “uncleanness”? It most likely does not refer to the act of adultery. The Law of Moses commanded the adulteress to be stoned to death, not simply divorced (Deut. 22:22-24; Lev. 20:10). In Deuteronomy, the “uncleanness” would have referred to any lewd, immoral behavior that made a mockery of the marriage. For such things divorce was allowed—but certainly not commanded.
But to many Israelite men, “uncleanness” took on a broader definition. Men were putting away their wives just for something in their wives that didn’t satisfy them. As I said last time, the influential Rabbis of Jesus’ day fell into two camps: 1) followers of Rabbi Shammai who held it referred to unchastity or some kind of sexual immorality; and 2) followers of Hillel who taught that “uncleanness” referred to anything the husband might consider unseemly, even such trivial things as spoiling his cooking. You can hear this philosophy in the Pharisees original question “Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for just any reason?” (Matt. 19:3).
It is clear that the purpose of this passage in Deuteronomy 24 was not to authorize divorce, but to set some boundaries on divorce and remarriage. The divorce certificate graciously protected the woman from just being kicked out by a unjust husband. He couldn’t simply send her away to fend for herself—which, in that culture and time, would have left a woman in a very vulnerable condition. Instead, he needed to go through proper legal channels by writing her a certificate of divorce to indicate clearly that they were no longer married and she was free to marry another. The divorce certificate was needed to protect the woman and preserve her rights so she could remarry and be supported by a husband.
Primarily, this case law regulated the matter of remarriage. The only command in this case is that the first husband must not remarry the woman after her subsequent marriage. This law prevented men from “trying out” wife after wife, comparing all the options before making a final choice. That kind of practice would be “an abomination before the LORD, and … bring sin on the land” (Deut. 24:4). God placed a high premium on marriage. It was not to be taken lightly. What Moses says in effect is, “If you are so perverse as to put away your wives because of something in her that doesn’t satisfy you, then I will at least make it less easy for you. You men may not merely throw your wives away; you must go through the legal process. Not only so, but when you divorce your wife, I will make it impossible for you ever to have her back, should she marry another. There will be no remarriage if you find the grass is not greener on the other side after all.”
With that background, we can now turn back to Matthew 19 where Jesus gives us the proper prospective on why Moses wrote this case law.
A. Divorce was permitted due to hard hearts
In Matthew 19:8, Jesus answered them, “Moses, because of the hardness of your hearts, permitted you to divorce your wives, but from the beginning it was not so.” Jesus says that Moses did not command divorce; he only permitted divorce. There is a big difference between commanding and permitting. Even if a husband found “uncleanness” in his wife, God did not command that he divorce her. He could forgive his wife and restore the rift in their marriage. God designed the marriage to be permanent.
So, if divorce wasn’t God’s plan, why did Moses permit it? Jesus says it was “because of the hardness of your hearts.” Jesus directly attacks the heart of the problem explaining that it is a problem in their hearts. Hardness of heart indicates obstinacy and rebellion against God and His word—a heart that has become so callused by sin that it’s no longer sensitive to sin. Those with hard hearts will not acknowledge their sin, will not confess their sin, and will not repent of their sin. Rather, they will insist upon their own way and will be unloving, unkind, and selfish.
Divorce is always a result of hardness of heart. When a divorce occurs, there will always be hardness of heart in at least one and sometimes both spouses. The hard-hearted person cannot love. They cannot forgive. They cannot humble themselves to admit they are wrong. When hearts are hard in a marriage, divorces often happen. A wise man in my former church who had experienced it first-hand once told me, “It takes two people to make a marriage, it only takes one to make a divorce.” We are each responsible for our own hearts. Don’t let your heart get hard toward your spouse.
For those of us who are married, there are great lessons for us to learn here.[1] If you are having ongoing conflicts in your marriage, it is most certainly because one (or both) of you have developed a hardened heart. In some way or another, one of you, or possibly both, are being selfish. You are demanding your own way. Or you are not forgiving. Rather than being focused upon what is best for your spouse, you are focused upon what you think is best for yourself. This is the point where you need to realize the power of the gospel and the necessity of the cross of Christ in your marriage. We all occasionally sin against our spouses. When it happens, we ought to repent of that sin quickly. Look to the cross, where forgiveness is found. Seek forgiveness from the one you offended. And just the same, your spouse will also sometimes sin against you. When it happens, you ought to freely forgive, as God has freely forgiven you in Christ. The blood of Christ covers your sins—from both of you. I am glad we are observing the Lord’s Supper today because it not only reminds us that we are forgiven by the blood of Christ, it also reminds us that we must forgive one another for the sake of Christ.
Jesus says divorce was permitted because of your hard hearts but …
B. Divorce was not God’s original design
Look at the last phrase in verse 8, Jesus said, “from the beginning it was not so.” We saw last time in Genesis 1 and 2 that marriage didn’t begin this way. God designed marriage to be a lifelong, covenantal, one-flesh union between a man and a woman.
Even though God has a better plan for marriage, He gave instructions through Moses about divorce—not because it was commanded, not because it was good, not because God thinks divorce is the better option, but because divorce is foreseeable among those with hard hearts. Carson comments,
Therefore any view of divorce and remarriage (taught in either Testament) that sees the problem only in terms of what may or may not be done has already overlooked a basic fact—divorce is never to be thought of as a God-ordained, morally neutral option but as evidence of sin, of hardness of heart. The fundamental attitude of the Pharisees to the question was wrong.[2]
That brings us to Jesus’ concluding statement about divorce in Matthew 19:9.
2. What Does Jesus Teach about Divorce? (Matt. 19:9)
Jesus concludes, “And I say to you, whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery; and whoever marries her who is divorced commits adultery.” (Matt. 19:9).
A. Divorce Results in Adultery
It’s important for us to remember who Jesus is speaking to. He’s talking to a group of Pharisees who are defending a reckless and self-serving attitude toward marriage, men who were cruelly putting away one wife in order to take up another. They were believing that they could do this without incurring any guilt before God—so long as they stuck a certificate of divorce in their wives’ hands.
And Jesus drops the bomb-shell on them that, by doing this, they were actually committing adultery. Jesus had already taught this, you may remember, in the Sermon on The Mount; when He said, “Furthermore it has been said, ‘Whoever divorces his wife, let him give her a certificate of divorce.’ But I say to you that whoever divorces his wife for any reason except sexual immorality causes her to commit adultery; and whoever marries a woman who is divorced commits adultery” (Matt. 5:31-32).
How can it be that a man can divorce his wife, marry another, and thus be committing adultery? It’s because God sees the marriage bond as more binding than men do. In the eyes of men, divorce legally breaks the marriage. But in the eyes of God, the bond remains if men ended it contrary to His law. Why is that? Because only God can separate what he has joined. The state does not join you in marriage. God joins you in marriage. The state only affirms what God has done.
What Jesus says makes perfect sense. Adultery is the act of being unfaithful to your marriage partner. When you divorce and marry another, you have been unfaithful to your marriage partner. This is true even though everything was done legally, according to the laws of men. It is true even if you never met your next married partner until after you were divorced. The truth remains, you were unfaithful to your wedding vows and unfaithful to your spouse.[3] The day you marry another is the day that you commit adultery. Jesus says the same thing in the other Gospels:
11 So He said to them, “Whoever divorces his wife and marries another commits adultery against her. 12 And if a woman divorces her husband and marries another, she commits adultery.” (Mark 10:11-12).
18 “Whoever divorces his wife and marries another commits adultery; and whoever marries her who is divorced from her husband commits adultery.” (Luke 16:18).
And so, if a man divorces his wife in a way that is contrary to God’s law, he places her in a very vulnerable position; so that if she marries another man, the husband has led his own wife to commit adultery. And the man who marries her has married a woman who is still in a bond of marriage; and so, he too commits adultery. And if the first husband who had put away his wife then turns around and marries another, he too commits adultery. And even if someone marries, and divorces, and marries, and divorces, and marries, and divorces, in God’s eyes he or she is committing adultery over and over.[4]
B. Divorce Allowed for Sexual Immorality
But Jesus does give an exception to this rule. He says, “except sexual immorality” (Matt. 19:9). The King James Version reads, “except for fornication,” which might appear to limit the scope of this word to sexual activity before marriage, which some seek to do. But, the Greek word that is used here is very general. It describes all forms of improper sexual activity. Jesus permits divorce in the case of sexual immorality.
In that case, the guilty spouse has already committed sexual immorality, and the innocent spouse may divorce without sinning, they will not be committing adultery. This is the same reason that God gave through the prophet Jeremiah for divorcing Israel. In Jeremiah 3:8 the Lord says, 8 “Then I saw that for all the causes for which backsliding Israel had committed adultery, I had put her away and given her a certificate of divorce; yet her treacherous sister Judah did not fear, but went and played the harlot also.” God gave a certificate of divorce to Israel because of her spiritual adultery in worshiping other gods. They had broken the covenant God made with them when He joined them to Himself. Like the prophet Hosea with his adulterous wife Gomer, God had taken adulterous Israel as a wife. And like Hosea was lovingly patient with Gomer, the Lord was patient with Israel for over 700 years, pleading with her to forsake her idolatry and return to Him.[5] When she would not, the Lord divorced her.
Now, if it was a righteous act for the Lord to exercise spiritual divorce with His spiritual spouse Israel for adultery, then it sets the example for human marriages that divorce in the case of sexual immorality is also a righteous act. We an example of this in Matthew 1. There, Joseph, having discovered that his virgin betrothed wife Mary is pregnant, must decide what to do. Joseph assumed that Mary had been sexually immoral and that is why she was pregnant. Matthew 1:19 says, “Then Joseph her husband, being a just man, and not wanting to make her a public example, was minded to put her away secretly.” Matthew describes Joseph as “a just man” or a righteous man, in planning to divorce her. Had what he feared about her been true, he would have had legitimate grounds for a righteous divorce.
Next time, we will finish our study of Matthew 19:9 and talk more about what happens after divorce and the issue of remarriage.
But as we close today, I want you to see that although Jesus allows for divorce in this situation, it’s not a command. He allows it. He permits it. He says it’s not a sin. It does not result in more adultery. But you aren’t commanded to divorce. When you read of God’s patient, long-suffering lovingkindness, and when you realize that we are to seek to be like God, then you ought to do the same thing in marriage. When a husband loves and forgives an adulterous wife, it is a picture of Christ’s love for the church. As we see in Ephesians 5, one of the purposes of marriage is that it would picture Christ’s love for His Church. Weren’t we unfaithful when God called us? Didn’t God take us, as wretched sinners and cleanse us through the blood of Christ? Receiving a repentant spouse, who had been unfaithful, back into your marriage is a great picture Christ’s love for the church.
God promised to restore unfaithful Israel to Himself in a New Covenant. The Lord says through the prophet Jeremiah,
31 “Behold, the days are coming, says the LORD, when I will make a new covenant with the house of Israel and with the house of Judah– 32 not according to the covenant that I made with their fathers in the day that I took them by the hand to lead them out of the land of Egypt, My covenant which they broke, though I was a husband to them, says the LORD. 33 But this is the covenant that I will make with the house of Israel after those days, says the LORD: I will put My law in their minds, and write it on their hearts; and I will be their God, and they shall be My people. 34 No more shall every man teach his neighbor, and every man his brother, saying, ‘Know the LORD,’ for they all shall know Me, from the least of them to the greatest of them, says the LORD. For I will forgive their iniquity, and their sin I will remember no more.” (Jer. 31:31-34)
It is this New Covenant that Christ has established through His sacrifice for us on the cross. Through His blood shed for us we are forgiven and brought into this New Covenant with God. Having our sins forgiven by God’s grace through faith in Jesus Christ, we become His church, the bride of Christ. This is what we remember and celebrate in the Lord’s Supper.
NEXT TIME—-
3. What about After a Divorce?
The Issue of Remarriage
———————————————————————–
[1] Steve Brandon, What About Divorce?, https://sermons.rvbc.cc/sermons/2004-033
[2] D. A. Carson, “Matthew,” in The Expositor’s Bible Commentary: Matthew, Mark, Luke, ed. Frank E. Gaebelein, vol. 8 (Grand Rapids, MI: Zondervan Publishing House, 1984), 413.
[3] Steve Brandon, What About Divorce?, https://sermons.rvbc.cc/sermons/2004-033
[4] Greg Allen, https://www.bethanybible.org/archive/2007/111107.htm
[5] John MacArthur, The MacArthur New Testament Commentary: Matthew 16-23, Moody Publishers, Chicago. P. 169.
