Jesus and Family
Matthew 12:46-50
In Harper Lee’s classic novel, To Kill a Mockingbird, one of the characters says, “you can choose your friends but you sho’ can’t choose your family.”[1] Think about it. How would your life change if you could pick your family? What if you could have chosen your father and mother and decided how many brothers and sisters you would have and who they would be?
It’s obviously just a fanciful question. We have no choice in our blood ties. As that quote from Lee’s novel continues, “… they’re still kin to you no matter whether you acknowledge ’em or not.” But spiritually, we can become a part of a new family—the family of God. Jesus, the Son of God in human flesh, has a family that He considers more important to Him than any other earthly relationship—even more important to Him than His natural family. And this passage in Matthew 12 shows us that you and I may be a part of that wonderful heavenly family also.
Consider the context of this morning’s passage. Matthew’s Gospel uniquely focuses on presenting Jesus as the Messiah-King. In Matthew 12, although Jesus has done many miraculous signs, taught the word of God, and preached the Kingdom of Heaven, opposition to Him is mounting. The religious leaders accused Jesus and His disciples of breaking the Sabbath laws because they did not follow the traditions of the Pharisees. Jesus claimed to be “Lord of the Sabbath,” and after He healed a man with a withered hand on the Sabbath in their synagogue, they plotted to destroy Him.
They also opposed Jesus’ spiritual authority, accusing Him of casting out demons by the power of the devil. The unbelieving scribes demanded that Jesus give them a sign, but He refused, and instead, he pointed them to the future sign of His resurrection and warned them of God’s judgment because they would not repent.
Then we come to today’s passage at the end of Matthew 12. Here, we see a contrast between Jesus’ physical or natural family and His spiritual family.
First we see …
1. Jesus’ physical family (Matt. 12:46-47)
Matthew 12:46 begins, “While He was still talking to the multitudes behold, His mother and brothers stood outside, seeking to speak with Him.” Jesus was in the middle of teaching the multitudes of people when His family arrived. The “multitudes” were those people that Matthew mentioned back in Matthew 12:23—the people who were amazed when Jesus healed a demon-possessed blind and mute man so he could both see and speak. They said, “Could this be the Son of David?”—which was another way of asking, “This Couldn’t be the long-awaited Messiah and King could it?” The amazed crowd incited the Pharisees to further oppose and even blaspheme Jesus. Now, Matthew tells us that Jesus’ family appears wanting to speak with Him.
We only know a little about Jesus’ earthly family. Of course, both Matthew and Luke tell us a few things about His mother Mary and His adopted father Joseph in their birth narratives. Besides the birth narratives, the one reliable story we have from Jesus’ childhood is told by Luke. When our Lord was twelve years old, He accompanied Mary and Joseph to Jerusalem to celebrate the Feast of Passover. When the feast days were over, Mary and Joseph went with the throng of relatives and acquaintances on their way home—supposing that Jesus was also with them in the crowd returning to Galilee. But when they searched for Him along the way, they couldn’t find Him.
So, they returned to Jerusalem to look for Jesus. And after three days, they found Him, sitting in the temple in the midst of the teachers of Israel, listening to them, asking questions, and astounding them all with His understanding and answers. His parents were amazed, and Mary said to Him, “Son, why have You done this to us? Look, Your father and I have sought You anxiously” (Luke 2:48). To which Jesus answered, “Why did you seek Me? Did you not know that I must be about My Father’s business?” (Luke 2:49).
Jesus spoke about His heavenly Father, whose business was in the Temple and revealed in the scriptures. Jesus felt compelled to “be about” His Father’s business. And that is why Jesus went about teaching the multitudes, preaching the kingdom, healing the sick, and casting out demons. Jesus has a heavenly Father and a kingdom family that takes priority over even His earthly family.
The Bible makes it clear that, after Jesus was born, Mary and Joseph had other sons and daughters. We even know some of their names. In Matthew 13, we’re told that the people from His own hometown of Nazareth were amazed at His wisdom and mighty works, and said of Him, “Is this not the carpenter’s son? Is not His mother called Mary? And His brothers James, Joses, Simon, and Judas? And His sisters, are they not all with us?” (Matt. 13:55-56).
Yet, even though these half brothers and sisters of Jesus had been raised in the same home as Him, we’re told that as adults, His own brothers did not believe in Him. In John 7, Jesus indicated that He was not yet going up to Jerusalem to the Feast of Tabernacles. He stayed in Galilee “because the Jews sought to kill Him” (John 7:1), saying “My time has not yet come” (John 7:6). John tells us Jesus’ brothers said to Him, “Depart from here and go into Judea, that Your disciples also may see the works that You are doing. For no one does anything in secret while he himself seeks to be known openly. If You do these things, show Yourself to the world” (John 7:3-4). And John comments, “For even His brothers did not believe in Him” (John 7:5).
Eventually, after His resurrection, His brothers did come to believe in Him. We find them in Acts 1 with the apostles and Mary, praying with one accord. The Lord’s half-brother James became an important leader of the church in Jerusalem (Gal. 1:18-19; Acts 15), and later wrote the New Testament epistle of James. And it has also been the tradition of the church from its earliest days that the New Testament book of Jude was written by the half-brother of our Lord named Judas, who, in His writing, humbly called himself “a bondservant of Jesus Christ, and brother of James” (Jude 1). But during the time of His earthly ministry, our Lord’s brothers—including even these two great leaders of the early church—did not believe on Him.[2]
Matthew 12:47 says, “Then one said to Him, ‘Look, Your mother and Your brothers are standing outside, seeking to speak with You.’” The parallel passage in the Gospel of Mark tells us why they came. Mark says, “Then the multitude came together again, so that they could not so much as eat bread. But when His own people heard about this, they went out to lay hold of Him, for they said, “He is out of His mind.”” (Mark 3:20-21). Luke tells us they “could not approach Him because of the crowd” (Luke 8:19). That is why they “stood outside” (Matt. 12:46) and had someone else tell Jesus that they were there.
Clearly, they wanted to “speak to Him” because they were alarmed by the crowds and concerned for His wellbeing. Did they expect Jesus to stop whatever work of the kingdom it was that He was doing, put them first, and come out as soon as He heard that they were waiting for Him? Did they come to talk Him into coming home with them and putting a pause on His ministry work? Even the members of His own earthly family didn’t understand Him.
How many of us have family members that don’t yet understand Jesus? How does it affect your relationships with them because Jesus is your Lord? Do some in your family disapprove or even oppose your faith in Jesus? It should not surprise us when that happens. In Matthew 10, Jesus told His disciples,
21 “Now brother will deliver up brother to death, and a father his child; and children will rise up against parents and cause them to be put to death. 22 And you will be hated by all for My name’s sake. But he who endures to the end will be saved. … 34 Do not think that I came to bring peace on earth. I did not come to bring peace but a sword. 35 For I have come to ‘set a man against his father, a daughter against her mother, and a daughter-in-law against her mother-in-law’; 36 and ‘a man’s enemies will be those of his own household.’ 37 He who loves father or mother more than Me is not worthy of Me. And he who loves son or daughter more than Me is not worthy of Me.” (Matt. 10:21-22, 34-37)
Jesus teaches that our commitment to Him is to be greater than any other commitment on earth. It must even exceed our natural commitment to our physical, earthly family members. If our family makes us choose between them and Jesus, we must always choose Jesus first. He must have first place in our heart’s devotion. And Jesus models that attitude for us here. I believe Jesus loved His earthly family. He honored His earthly mother and father. In fact, I believe that the full depth of Jesus’ love for His family is shown in that Mary and His brothers eventually became His followers and were saved by Him. But Jesus placed His own earthly family behind His commitment to His spiritual family.
So we have seen Jesus’ physical family. Now let’s consider …
2. Jesus’ spiritual family (Matt. 12:48-50)
How does Jesus respond to hearing that His family is asking to speak to Him? First, He asked a …
a. Question: Who is My family?
Matthew 12:48 says, “But He answered and said to the one who had told him, ‘Who is My mother and who are My brothers?’” By asking this question, Jesus draws attention to the conflict that can arise between family and mission. Jesus is teaching the multitudes. He is on mission, and He refuses to be interrupted. The mission comes first. The Kingdom of God comes first. Yes, His family has a claim on Him as family, but His heavenly Father and the kingdom of God have a greater claim.[3]
As much as He loved His earthly family over whom Joseph had been the head, that family took second place to His spiritual family over whom His heavenly Father was head. Who is Jesus’ family? Clearly, it wasn’t those who were outside—those who didn’t believe on Him, or who would try to dissuade Him from His mission.
One of the things that this teaches us is that the Kingdom of Heaven is not gained through blood ties. If you think you will make it to heaven because some relative of yours is a fine Christian, then think again. The Jewish leaders of that time thought they merited heaven simply because they were blood descendants of Abraham. They were wrong. And even Jesus’ own blood relatives are not part of His spiritual family until they come to Him personally and place their faith and trust in Him as the Messiah. A relationship with Jesus is not determined by the family you are born into. A relationship with Jesus is determined being born again into the family of God. John writes, “11 He came to His own, and His own did not receive Him. 12 But as many as received Him, to them He gave the right to become children of God, to those who believe in His name: 13 who were born, not of blood, nor of the will of the flesh, nor of the will of man, but of God.” (John 1:11-13).
b. Declaration: Behold My family!
Matthew 12:49 tells us, “And He stretched out His hand toward His disciples”—that is, to the crowds of people that were, right then, listening to Him as He taught and were believing on Him—“and said, ‘Here are My mother and My brothers!’” Jesus identified Himself with a spiritual family that was more precious to Him, closer to Him, of a higher priority to Him, than even His own earthly mother and brothers. He treats them in every way as “family”, and awards them all the rights and privileges that come from being members of His Father’s household.
Being a part of God’s family has nothing to do with your physical birth. It has everything to do with faith in Jesus and obedience to God’s word. Hebrews 2:11 says this: “For both He who sanctifies and those who are being sanctified are all of one, for which reason He is not ashamed to call them brethren.” Jesus redefines the family of God around Himself. He is not ashamed to call us brothers. Jesus welcomes us into His family when we put our faith in Him.
Jesus’ real family was not simply those who were members of His physical household. Nor was it those who would have considered themselves “related” to the Messiah simply because they were Jewish. Rather, His “family” was those people who were, even right then, sitting before Him with receptive hearts, and listening to His teaching, and believing on Him.
In Matthew 12:50, Jesus gives us the …
c. Explanation: Whoever does My Father’s will.
What does it look like to be in Jesus’ family? He says, “For whoever does the will of My Father in heaven is My brother and sister and mother.” (Mat 12:50). Jesus’ real family is “whoever does the will of My Father in heaven.” In the parallel passage in Luke 8:21, Jesus says, “My mother and My brothers are these who hear the word of God and do it.”
This concept of doing the will of the Father or doing the word of God is not new in Matthew. In the Sermon on the Mount in Matthew 7, Jesus said, “Not everyone who says to Me, ‘Lord, Lord,’ shall enter the kingdom of heaven, but he who does the will of My Father in heaven” (Matt. 7:21). And then, as if to answer the question of what the will of His Father was, Jesus went on to say, “Many will say to Me on that day, ‘Lord, Lord, have we not prophesied in Your name, cast out demons in Your name, and done many wonders in Your name?’ And then I will say to them, ‘I never knew you; depart from Me, you who practice lawlessness’” (Matt. 7:22-23). So, we see that the will of the Father is not a matter of doing all great and marvelous things ‘in Jesus’ name’, but rather, it is being known by Jesus personally. It is being in a relationship with Him by faith.
In the Gospel of John, some of the people who heard Jesus teach asked Him, “What shall we do, that we may work the works of God?” So, Jesus answered and said, “This is the work of God, that you believe on Him whom He sent” (John 6:28-29). So, what is the will of Jesus’ Father in heaven? It is simply this: that you would believe in Jesus His Son! What does it mean to do God’s will? It means to repent of your sin and put your faith in Jesus as Savior and Lord.
We do not work our way into a relationship with God. No amount of good works will merit us salvation or a place in the kingdom of heaven. The Bible is clear that we are saved by God’s grace through faith in Jesus Christ (Eph. 2:8). It is not by our good works (Eph. 2:9). Doing good works on the outside cannot change an evil heart on the inside. The Pharisees were proof of that. Outward morality is not what Jesus wants, He wants inward righteousness. Even being close to Jesus physically was not enough. Jesus’ family was proof of that. You must believe in Him. Even being one of Jesus’ followers was not enough. Judas Iscariot was proof of that. He was one of the twelve, but he did not believe.
You must repent and believe in Jesus to be in His family. Whoever hears the truth about Jesus, and puts their faith in His sacrifice on the cross for their sin and His resurrection as Lord, has entered into a saving relationship with Jesus. Whoever believes like that loves and trust Jesus so much that they walk in the way that He commands them to walk. By faith, they are obedient to His commandments. The apostle John writes,
1 Whoever believes that Jesus is the Christ is born of God, and everyone who loves Him who begot also loves him who is begotten of Him. 2 By this we know that we love the children of God, when we love God and keep His commandments. 3 For this is the love of God, that we keep His commandments. And His commandments are not burdensome. 4 For whatever is born of God overcomes the world. And this is the victory that has overcome the world–our faith. 5 Who is he who overcomes the world, but he who believes that Jesus is the Son of God? (1Jo 5:1-5 NKJV)
Whoever believes is doing the will of the Father. And whoever does the will of the Father is a member of Jesus’ family—His brother and sister and mother. Like Jesus, our spiritual ties in the family of God are more important than the blood ties of our physical family here on earth. They say, “Blood is thicker than water,” but the Spirit is thicker than blood. Your physical family is for this life only, but your spiritual family is for all of eternity.
Jesus redefines the family around Himself. And part of following Jesus means finding your place in the family of God. If you have not yet believed in Jesus Christ, come today. He gave the invitation, “Come unto Me, all you who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For My yoke is easy and My burden is light” (Matt. 11:28-30). Repent of your sin and believe in Jesus. He will forgive your sin and make you a child of God.
And if you have been saved, but have not yet united with the family of God in His church, I invite you to do that today. Church is a family, and therefore we should function as a family. That means church should be a place of love, forgiveness and acceptance. Church is a place where every believer belongs, where each member has a purpose to fulfill, love to share, encouragement to give, gifts to exercise, and service to do. Church is a microcosm of the family of God in heaven. We sing a song in our church every communion Sunday:
Blest be the ties that bind
Our hearts in Christian love
The fellowship of kindred minds
Is like to that above.
Listen again to that complete quote from To Kill a Mockingbird: “You can choose your friends but you sho’ can’t choose your family, an’ they’re still kin to you no matter whether you acknowledge ’em or not, and it makes you look right silly when you don’t.” The Bible says whoever loves God loves His family also. Do you?
Would you come to Jesus and unite with His family today?
——————————————————————————————-
[1] Harper Lee, To Kill a Mockingbird, quoted on https://www.allgreatquotes.com/to-kill-a-mockingbird-quote-200/ accessed 04/25/2024.
[2] Greg Allen, The Heavenly Family Circle, https://www.bethanybible.org/archive/2006/090306.htm accessed 04/28/2024.
[3] Ray Fowler, Jesus and Family, https://www.rayfowler.org/sermons/matthew/jesus-and-family/ accessed 04/28/2024.
