Marriage and Divorce, Part 3

Matthew 19:9-12

This is our third message in Matthew 19 on marriage and divorce. The subject came up in Jesus’ teaching because in Matthew 19:3, the Pharisees came to test Jesus by asking Him, “Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for just any reason?” (Matt. 19:3). As we have said, their question exposed not only their position on the matter but their hard-heartedness.

In His answer, Jesus took them back to the very beginning—to God’s creation of man and woman in the first two chapters of Genesis. In Matthew 19:4, Jesus said that God designed marriage to be one man and one woman. In Matthew 19:5, Jesus showed that God designed marriage to be a covenant that forms a primary union of the two into one flesh—a strong bond. In Matthew 19:6, Jesus said it is God who joins a man and woman in marriage, and therefore marriage should not be broken. Putting it together, Jesus taught that God’s plan for marriage is one man and one woman in a covenant relationship where God forms a one-flesh union for life.

The Pharisees were not satisfied with Jesus’ answer because they were not really wanting to learn the truth, rather, they were looking for a reason to accuse Jesus. So, seeing that Jesus took a firm stand on God’s design for the priority and permanence of marriage, they again pressed the point about divorce. “They said to Him, “Why then did Moses command to give a certificate of divorce, and to put her away?”” (Matt. 19:7). These unbelieving Pharisees were seeking to get Jesus painted into a corner, making Him disagree with what Moses wrote from God.

We looked at Jesus’ answer in Matthew 19:8-9 last time, concluding that God did not command divorce, but only permitted it due “because of the hardness of your hearts.” It was never God’s purpose that people would divorce. God designed the marriage to be permanent.

Then Jesus gave His principle in Matthew 19:9, “And I say to you, whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery; and whoever marries her who is divorced commits adultery.” What Jesus says makes perfect sense. Adultery is the act of being unfaithful to your marriage partner. When you divorce and marry another, you have been unfaithful to your marriage partner. It is adultery because man has entered into another relationship but God viewed the first relationship as binding.

But Jesus does give an exception to this rule. He says, “except for sexual immorality” (Matt. 19:9). Jesus says in that case, divorce and remarriage does not constitute adultery for the innocent party.

In that case, if the guilty spouse is already committing sexual immorality, the innocent spouse may divorce and remarry without committing adultery. If their spouse is hard heartedly, unrepentantly committing sexual immorality, then the innocent party may divorce.

But as we said last time, even in this case, God does not command divorce. Certainly, the better outcome is that the guilty spouse should repent and forsake his or her immorality, and that the marriage be reconciled. If the sinning spouse truly repents, forsakes that sin, and seeks reconciliation, then the other spouse should forgive. This is what God promised to do for the nation of Israel when she committed spiritual adultery and idolatry in the Old Testament. Even though God divorced Israel, He did not remarry another. Instead, He brought her back and made a new covenant with her, forgiving her sin by faith in Christ.

All that is review. Today, I want to tackle the question,

What about After a Divorce?

Here we must deal with the issue of remarriage. The majority view in Christian churches today is that if divorce is allowed by God, as in the case of sexual immorality, then remarriage is also allowed by God in that case. John MacArthur takes this view. He argues that “Jesus here uses immorality and adultery synonymously.”[1] He points out that in the Old Testament law, the penalty for adultery was not divorce, but execution. Yet, God did not always enforce that law. Instead, God was often “gracious to the sinning spouse by tolerating divorce instead of execution.”[2] Therefore, he believes that God “would surely also be gracious to the innocent spouse in permitting remarriage, which was permissible when a spouse died (Rom. 7:2-3).”[3] In this case, “The purpose of permitting the divorce is to show mercy to the sinning spouse, not to condemn the innocent one to a lifetime of singleness and loneliness that would not be required if the Lord had the sinning partner executed.”[4] Many scholars and pastors agree with this view.

The minority view of remarriage is that it is allowed only when the previous spouse has died. John Piper takes this view.[5] He believes that the exception Jesus gives in Matthew 19:9 is strictly for fornication in the case of a Jewish couple who were betrothed, but had not yet consummated their marriage. In other words, sexual immorality during the engagement period not during the marriage. This explains why Jesus here used the word for immorality rather than the word for adultery. If a man found his betrothed to be immoral during their engagement, he could righteously divorce her and marry another. This is what Joseph planned to do with Mary in Matthew 1:19. Matthew is the only New Testament writer who gives this exception, and Piper believes that is because Matthew is writing in a Jewish context to a mostly Jewish audience. Piper gives 11 reasons why he believes this is the proper interpretation of Matthew 9.

Those who follow this interpretation believe it more easily explains why the other Gospel writers and Paul do not contain the exception. So rather than trying to read Matthew’s exception clause into the other accounts, they find it easier to explain why Matthew includes it. They believe this strict view of Jesus also explains why the disciples incredulously replied in Matthew 19:10, “If such is the case of the man with his wife, it is better not to marry.”

This view concludes that Jesus is not giving an exception for divorce and remarriage during the marriage period. Thus, they believe that the New Testament does not authorize remarriage unless the first spouse has died. Therefore, any remarriage after divorce results in adultery. The advantage of this position is that it strictly upholds the high view of the one-flesh union in marriage that God intended for a lifetime. It magnifies God’s holiness and His righteous standards

The advantage of the other position, that the exception clause in Matthew allows for divorce and remarriage, is that it magnifies the mercy and grace of God in dealing with sinners and those who have suffered divorce. Which view do I take? I am torn because there are good reasons for either view. Right now, I would have to say that I lean toward the majority view that divorce and remarriage are allowed in the exception of sexual immorality. But maybe only 51 to 49 percent. This is certainly an area of interpretation where we ought to extend grace to our brothers and sisters who think differently than we do and not to divide over this issue. If you want more information about these different interpretations, I can help you with some sources.

Today, let me just give you some biblical counseling today in way of application.

If you are married, do not seek to be divorced. It doesn’t matter whether this is your only marriage or your second or third marriage. Honor the marriage that you have now. God is glorified every time we are faithful to our spouse. You can have a Godly, loving, fulfilling marriage no matter your past. God forgives and restores. Make this marriage the one that lasts for the rest of your life together until death do you part. Your marriage is meant to be a picture of the love and faithfulness of Christ and the submission and respect of His church.
If you are struggling in your marriage, please know that God loves you. He has not forgotten you. He has a plan for you. Pray for your marriage, put Christ first in your marriage, love your spouse, ask God to bring the healing that only he can bring. Ask for help from your church family.
If you have been through divorce, deal with it according to God’s word. I know that the situations surrounding divorces are as numerous as the number of divorces there are. Perhaps you weren’t a Christian when you divorced. Perhaps you received unbiblical counsel. Perhaps you divorced on grounds that were not biblical. Perhaps you went against all counsel in pursuit of your lusts, sinning willfully after receiving the knowledge of the truth (Heb. 10:26). Perhaps you were the innocent party, or you were forced into divorce against your wishes. Take seriously what God’s word says about marriage and divorce. If you see now that your divorce was sinful, you need to confess that sin. God is faithful to forgive our sin and cleanse us when we come to Him in repentance and faith in the sacrifice of Jesus Christ for our sins. Even if you committed adultery by remarriage after an illegitimate divorce, God forgives. You are not in a perpetual state of sin because of it.
If you are divorced and there is the possibility of reconciliation, stay single and pursue it. Paul writes in 1 Corinthians 7, “Now to the married I command, yet not I but the Lord: A wife is not to depart from her husband. But even if she does depart, let her remain unmarried or be reconciled to her husband. And a husband is not to divorce his wife.” (1 Cor. 7:10-11). That process may be long and painful, but what a glorious thing it is when divorced people confess their sin and repent and come back together again as a man and a woman. But, there may reach a time in which reconciliation is impossible. I’m talking about when one of the parties gets married to another. In this instance, according to Deuteronomy 24, you shouldn’t be married again to your former spouse. Only when reconciliation is an impossibility, are you free to consider remarriage.
If you are free to remarry, then remain single, if possible. Paul writes in 1 Corinthians 7, “But I say to the unmarried and to the widows: It is good for them if they remain even as I am; but if they cannot exercise self-control, let them marry. For it is better to marry than to burn with passion.” (1 Cor. 7:8-9).
Not everyone can live as a single person. Look at what Jesus says in response to the disciples saying, “If such is the case of the man with hiswife, it is better not to marry.” (Matt. 19:10). Jesus says,

¹¹ But He said to them, “All cannot accept this saying, but only those to whom it has been given: ¹² For there are eunuchs who were born thus from their mother’s womb, and there are eunuchs who were made eunuchs by men, and there are eunuchs who have made themselves eunuchs for the kingdom of heaven’s sake. He who is able to accept it, let him accept it.” (Matt. 19:11-12).

A “eunuch”, in this sense, is simply someone who is not capable of entering into a marriage. Some are born without the physical capability of doing so. Some—as was often the case with those who served in the courts of kings in ancient days—were born with the capability, but were later rendered incapable of marriage by men for the fulfillment of their appointed role in court. And some remain physically capable of marriage, but have no need to get married because they have been given a freedom from that need as a gift from God; and such people use that freedom in order to devote themselves to the service of God’s kingdom. The apostle Paul appears to have been such a man. He writes, “For I wish that all men were even as I myself. But each one has his own gift from God, one in this manner and another in that.” (1 Cor. 7:7). God gives special grace to Christians to remain single for the sake of the kingdom of God. Paul The Bible does not say that being single is better than being married, or that being married is better than being single. They are just different. They are different callings with different sets of responsibilities and opportunities.

The point of Jesus’ response to the disciples seems to be that they were getting the right impression from His words. It is a serious commitment to enter into a marriage. And it would be better never to enter into one than to enter into one without the commitment to honor God’s call for a life-long union.

If you remarry, then marry a Christian. This is what Paul says in 1 Corinthians 7:39, ” A wife is bound by law as long as her husband lives; but if her husband dies, she is at liberty to be married to whom she wishes, only in the Lord.” In other words, if you remarry, you should marry a fellow believer in Jesus Christ.

I know I have not answered all your questions today about divorce and remarriage, but I pray that what I have taught is faithful the word of God.

Marriage was created by God as a sacred, covenant relationship between a man and a woman based on a public vow of lifetime faithfulness. It is a picture of Christ and His church. So, let’s be faithful in our marriages. Let us not give in to a culture of sexual unfaithfulness or divorce. Marriage and singleness are both good gifts from God. Let us receive them from God with thanksgiving, and let us use them for His glory.

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[1] John MacArthur, New Testament Commentary: Matthew 16-23, Moody Publishers, Chicago, p. 171.

[2] Ibid.

[3] Ibid.

[4] Ibid.

[5] John Piper, Divorce & Remarriage: A Position Paper, https://www.desiringgod.org/articles/divorce-and-remarriage-a-position-paper.