Marriage and Divorce, Part 1
Matthew 19:1-6
As we come to Matthew 19 today, we enter a new section in our study of Matthew. You may remember that Matthew organized his Gospel around alternating sections of teaching and narrative. Matthew 19:1 indicates the end of the previous teaching section with the familiar words, “…when Jesus had finished these sayings…” (cf. Matt. 7:28; 11:1; 13:53; 26:1). The “sayings” that Jesus had just finished uttering were the things that He taught in Matthew 18—sayings that concerned His love and watchful care for those who are His “little ones” by faith. Our relationship with Christ must determine our relationships with each other. We saw that Jesus receives humble, child-like believers and so must we (Matt. 18:5). Because Jesus loves His little ones who believe in Him, He takes sin seriously, and so should we (Matt. 18:6-9). God is not willing that even one of His little ones should perish, so He seeks to restore the wandering sheep, and so should we (Matt. 18:10-20). And because God offers unlimited forgiveness, so should we.
The narrative section that begins in Matthew 19:1 will take us all the way to Jerusalem and the events that precede Jesus’ crucifixion. Matthew writes, “Now it came to pass, when Jesus had finished these sayings, that He departed from Galilee and came to the region of Judea beyond the Jordan. And great multitudes followed Him, and He healed them there.” (Matt. 19:1-2). Jesus’ Galilean ministry has come to an end. He will not return to Galilee again until after His resurrection. As Jesus approaches Judea and Jerusalem, the opposition He had been facing from the Jewish religious leaders will intensify. “They are on a collision course, the religious leaders wanting to get rid of Jesus, and Jesus knowing He came to die at their hands.”[1] But Jesus still has much ministry to do and much to teach His disciples before He goes to the cross.
In Matthew 19:3-12, Jesus teaches about marriage, divorce, and singleness in response to questions about these issues. What Jesus says here about marriage and divorce takes less than two minutes to read. Yet, Jesus spoke with such truth, authority, and certainty that scholars have written countless volumes on His words. In just a few brief sentences, Jesus unfolds God’s plan for marriage, the provision for divorce, and a prospective on single life.[2] First, there is the question by the Pharisees about divorce (Matt. 19:3), and Jesus’ answer about God’s plan for marriage (Matt. 19:4-6). Second, their follow-up question about Moses’ permitting people to divorce (Matt. 19:7), and Jesus’ answer that divorce was only permitted because of sin (Matt. 19:8-9). Third, there is the disciples’ implied question about it being better not to marry (Matt. 19:10), and Jesus’ answer that grace is given for some people to abstain from marriage (Matt. 19:11-12).
Today, we will focus on Matthew 19:3-6, the question about divorce and Jesus’ answer about marriage.
I. The Divine Plan for Marriage (Matt. 19:3-6)
A. Pharisees question Jesus about divorce (Matt. 19:3)
Matthew 19:3 says, “The Pharisees also came to Him, testing Him, and saying to Him, “Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for just any reason?”” That seems like a strange question to ask Jesus at this point, doesn’t it? That’s because it is not a sincere question. The Pharisees are not seeking the truth, they are seeking to destroy Jesus. So they ask the question about divorce “testing Him.” They were trying to spring a trap on Jesus.
What were the Pharisees looking for, when they presented this question to Jesus? How were they looking to trap Him by such a question? Think about where Jesus is geographically. Matthew 19:1 told us that Jesus “came to the region of Judea beyond the Jordan.” This is the area also called Perea on the east side of the Jordan River. That area of Judea belonged to the territory of Herod Antipas, the king who had John the Baptist imprisoned and beheaded (Matt. 14). Mark 3:6 records that after Jesus healed on the sabbath, “the Pharisees went out and immediately plotted with the Herodians against Him, how they might destroy Him” (cf. Matt. 12:14).
Remember that Herod imprisoned and executed John because John spoke out against Herod’s unlawful marriage to Herodias, his brother Philip’s wife. The Pharisees knew that Jesus would likely take the same strict stand against divorce and remarriage as John. Then they could report that to Herod and perhaps it would lead to Jesus’ execution just as in John’s case. If that didn’t work, then they surely hoped that Jesus’ answer would alienate Him from the multitudes that followed Him or that they could catch Him contradicting the law of Moses.
Notice the way that the Pharisees phrase the test: “Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for just any reason?” The question “Is it lawful” makes this a legal issue from the law of Moses in the Old Testament. In Jesus’s day, there were schools of the Pharisees who followed the teachings of two influential Rabbis, Shammai and Hillel. In general, when it came to matters of the law of God, Shammai was more strict and Hillel was more lenient. In the case of divorce, the question regarded Deuteronomy 24 which the Pharisees will allude to in their rebuttal to Jesus in Matthew 19:7. The debate centered on the phrase in that verse which gives the case of a man who divorces his wife “because he has found some uncleanness in her” (Deut. 24:1). The word uncleanness literally means nakedness in a shameful sense. Shammai taught that this word referred only to sexual immorality while Hillel extended it to “just any reason”. Hillel declared that a man may divorce his wife “even if she spoil his cooking.”[3] Another rabbi of this same school of thought taught, “He may divorce her even if he found another woman more beautiful than she.”[4]
Any guess as to which interpretation was more popular? Hillel’s liberal view, of course! In this view it was even taught, “If one has a bad wife, it is a religious duty to divorce her.”[5] If Jesus took the strict view, it would put Him on the wrong side of popular opinion. All of this was going on in the background when the Pharisees asked Jesus this question on divorce.
But as we have seen before, no one can pull a fast one on Jesus to trip Him up in His words. Jesus always knows their thoughts and intentions. And Jesus always knows the heart of God as written in the scripture better than they do. Instead of getting into a debate with them about the various reasons for divorce, Jesus responds by teaching them God’s original design for marriage.
B. Jesus teaches God’s plan for marriage (Matt. 19:4-6)
Jesus answers with the question, “Have you not read that He who made them at the beginning ‘made them male and female,’ and said, ‘For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh’?” (Matt. 19:4-5). Notice what Jesus does. He does not pick a side in their contentious debate. Even though Jesus is the Messiah King and has all authority, He does not just give His opinion about divorce. What does He do instead? He says, “Have you not read.” He takes them to the scriptures, the word of God. Jesus held the scriptures to be authoritative. And so should we. So many of the theological and cultural controversies we hear today would be brought to an end if we just believed what God has revealed in His word. The Bible is God’s inspired, infallible, authoritative, all-sufficient word.
Jesus takes them back to the very beginning, to the very first two chapters of Genesis. And rather than giving reasons for ending a marriage, He gives reasons for permanence in marriage. They’re asking this one technical question: “When can I get out of the commitment I made before God?” And Jesus who loves and cares for us and wants the best for us comes back and says, “You’re asking the wrong question. The question is, ‘What does God intend for marriage to be?’”[6]
The first reason what marriage is to be permanent is that …
1. Marriage is created by God (Matt. 19:4).
Jesus says, “Have you not read that He who made them at the beginning ‘made them male and female’?” Jesus is quoting from the creation account in Genesis 1:27, “So God created man in His own image; in the image of God He created him; male and female He created them.” When God made humanity, He made one man (Gen 2:7); and from that one man, He made one woman (Gen. 2:22). At the beginning, God didn’t make one man and two women; or two men and one woman. But only one man and only one woman. Even though polygamy was practiced in the Old Testament, it was never God’s plan for marriage. From the beginning, God’s plan was monogamy. And it was through the union of Adam and Eve—and only those two—that all of humanity would spring forth. That was a picture of God’s plan for marriage.[7]
One of the foundational principles of marriage is that it is between one man and one woman. That clearly means it is not a marriage of men with men or women with women. I know that’s not a popular part of the definition of marriage in today’s society, but it is part of the biblical definition of marriage, and it is part of Jesus’ teaching on marriage here in Matthew 19. God created marriage, so God defines it, displays it, and defends it. God makes all the rules. He is the only authority on marriage. Carson comments, “every marriage between a man and a woman is a reenactment of and testimony to the very structure of humanity as God created it.”[8]
Since marriage is grounded in creation, in the way God has made us, then it cannot be reduced to a merely human contract that breaks down when our vows are broken.[9]
Secondly, we see that …
2. Marriage is a covenant relationship (Matt. 19:5).
In Matthew 19:5, Jesus goes show God’s intention for marriage by quoting Genesis 2:24, “For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” This is covenant language. A covenant is a sacred promise, a personal commitment made before the Holy God. The prophet Malachi says, “the LORD has been witness between you and the wife of your youth, … she is your companion and your wife by covenant.” (Mal. 2:14). God is the unseen witness at every wedding. He views every marriage as a holy covenant to be honored faithfully. In the New Testament, the apostle Paul shows that the marriage covenant between a husband and wife is a picture of Christ in covenant with His church. He even quotes the same verse from Genesis that Jesus did about the two becoming one flesh. And then he says in Ephesians 5:32, “This is a great mystery, but I speak concerning Christ and the church.”
In other words, it’s not that Christ and the church are a picture of marriage. It’s the other way around. Marriage is a picture of Christ and the church. There is no more sacred relationship than the covenant relationship between Christ and his church. Human marriage is also sacred because it is a picture of this relationship. Marriage is a relationship where God joins the man and the woman together as one flesh in a holy covenant. God is involved in every marriage whether people recognize it or not.
The marriage covenant has two parts to it. To “leave … and be joined.”[10] The man and woman leave their respective families and form a new family. The word “joined” in Genesis means to be glued or stuck together in an inseparable bond. It is a strong bond. God joins them together as one flesh. This certainly is expressed in the sexual union, but it means much more than just that. It means that they become so identified with one another that their joining together creates an entity all its own. They are no longer “he” and “she”, but “they”. It is no longer mine and yours, it’s ours. What is his becomes hers. What is hers becomes his. She takes his name. His body belongs to her and hers to him (1 Cor. 7:4). He cares for her as if she were his own body (Eph 5:28).
Notice emphasis on the unity of the covenant of marriage: “the two shall become one flesh … So then, they are no longer two but one flesh … Therefore what God has joined together, let not man separate” (Matt. 19:5-6). They were to be joined in such a permanent bond that ‘coming apart’ would tear pieces out of both of them. This is why divorce is so hurtful. Husband and wife are bonded together as one and when you tear that part you get broken people.
Because God has joined them together in marriage, to divorce is not only against nature, but it is rebellion against God.[11] As we will see next time, sin is always at the root of divorce. God only permitted it “because of the hardness of your hearts” (Matt. 19:8).
Finally, we see that …
3. Marriage is not to be broken (Matt. 19:6).
Having shown God’s intention for marriage from the scriptures, our Lord concludes, “So then, they are no longer two but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let not man separate” (Matt. 19:6). That’s a very significant statement for two reasons: First, it is significant because it tells us that marriages really are made in heaven. God makes marriages. Every marriage is a work of God. This is true whether the wedding takes place in a huge cathedral, at a Las Vegas wedding chapel, or at the justice of the peace. It is not an issue of whether or not you got married “in the will of God,” God views every marriage as a permanent uniting of husband and wife. The origin of marriage, of every marriage, is with God, and therefore God rules over it; God determines what it is; God determines its duration and its permanence.
When Jesus says, “Therefore what God has joined together, let not man separate,” it isn’t just a sentimental thought. It is also a statement about the sovereignty of God. He is the Unseen witness at every wedding ceremony.
Second, this verse tells us that man is the one who tears marriages apart. Divorce was never part of God’s plan in the beginning. There was never supposed to be a back door for an unhappy spouse to get out. Jesus himself says that divorce was added because of the hardness of the human heart. Every time a couple gets a divorce, at least one person (and usually both of them) has a hard heart. Sometimes we hear about a friendly divorce. If they were truly friendly, they would have stayed married. There’s always a hard heart in there somewhere.
I want to end this message by putting a picture in your mind that I read in Ray Pritchard’s booklet, “Forever and Ever Amen.”[12]
Here are two people. A man married to a woman. He is a Christian. He struggles in many ways. He faces many temptations. Sometimes he wins, sometimes he loses. He’s not perfect. Sometimes he’s unkind and says things he regrets. Sometimes he ignores his wife, sometimes he loses his temper. But down deep in his heart—so deep he can hardly speak of it—he has determined to be faithful to his wife to the very end. His wife has no idea how hard it is … or how much he means it.
In a thousand ways he fails but he never gives up. He lives with her for 50, 60, or more years. And when his life is over, he can truly say, “By God’s grace I did it. I was faithful to the end.”
Give that man a crown. Everybody on their feet, let the throngs clap and cheer. Let the band play. Let the people shout his name. He failed in so many ways. But he was faithful to his wife until the end. He fought the good fight, he kept the faith, he finished his course. Stand back and give that man room. He is a genuine hero.
And over here is a woman married to a man. She is a Christian. She also struggles in so many ways. Often, she feels forgotten and neglected. She rarely gets the attention she deserves. Sometimes she thinks nobody cares. She is sometimes angry, sometimes depressed, and sometimes she just wants to give up. But in her heart, she wants to live with that one man and only one. She wants to be faithful to him to the end.
In a thousand ways, she too fails. But she never gives up. She lives with her husband for over 50, 60 or more years. Through good times and bad, through laughter and tears, through poverty and riches, through great victories and bitter defeats, she stands by her man. And when her life is over she can say, “By God’s grace I did it. I stuck with him all the way.”
Give that woman a thousand roses. Put a crown on her head. Gaze at her beauty. Let the choir sing, let the band play. See her husband smiling by her side. She failed so many times … but in the end she was a winner. She was faithful to her husband. A one-man woman. In a world where anything goes, she stood against the tide. She is more beautiful in the end than in the beginning.
And from the distance a mighty voice rolls like thunder, the sound fills the sky … “Well done, good and faithful servants. Enter into the joy of the Lord!”
A Christian marriage ought to be a beautiful picture of Christ and His church. Jesus Christ is always faithful. He will never lose His bride. He never divorces her. He saves her and sanctified her and glorifies her together with Himself. If you want to be faithful in your marriage until death do you part, put your trust in Christ. He loved you and died for you so that you would be His forever.
————————————————————-
[1] Allen Ross, Questions About Marriage And Divorce (Matthew 19:3-12), https://bible.org/seriespage/27-questions-about-marriage-and-divorce-matthew-193-12
[2] Gil Rugh, Divorce: A Result of Hardness of Heart Matthew 19:7-9, https://s3.amazonaws.com/ihccathena/pdf/GR710transcript.pdf
[3] A. Cohen, Everyman’s Talmud (New York: E.P. Dutton & Co., Inc., 1949), p. 167. Quoted by Greg Allen at https://www.bethanybible.org/archive/2007/111107.htm.
[4] Ibid.
[5] Idib. p. 166.
[6] Ligon Duncan, https://fpcjackson.org/resource-library/sermons/the-character-of-the-kingdom-part-1-the-kingdom-and-marriage/
[7] Greg Allen, What God Has Joined Together, https://www.bethanybible.org/archive/2007/111107.htm.
[8] D. A. Carson, “Matthew,” in The Expositor’s Bible Commentary: Matthew, Mark, Luke, ed. Frank E. Gaebelein, vol. 8 (Grand Rapids, MI: Zondervan Publishing House, 1984), 412.
[9] Ibid., 412.
[10] Craig Blomberg, Matthew, vol. 22, The New American Commentary (Nashville: Broadman & Holman Publishers, 1992), 290.
[11] Carson, ibid., 412.
[12] Ray Pritchard, Forever and Ever Amen, https://www.keepbelieving.com/sermon/2006-11-12-Forever-and-Ever-Amen/.
