The Origin of Marriage
Genesis 2:18:-25
18 And the Lord God said, “It is not good that man should be alone; I will make him a helper comparable to him.” 19 Out of the ground the Lord God formed every beast of the field and every bird of the air, and brought them to Adam to see what he would call them. And whatever Adam called each living creature, that was its name. 20 So Adam gave names to all cattle, to the birds of the air, and to every beast of the field. But for Adam there was not found a helper comparable to him. 21 And the Lord God caused a deep sleep to fall on Adam, and he slept; and He took one of his ribs, and closed up the flesh in its place. 22 Then the rib which the Lord God had taken from man He made into a woman, and He brought her to the man. 23 And Adam said: “This is now bone of my bones And flesh of my flesh; She shall be called Woman, Because she was taken out of Man.” 24 Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh. 25 And they were both naked, the man and his wife, and were not ashamed.
Our text is very simple. It contains just three things: Adam naming the animals, God fashioning Eve from Adam’s side, and Adam and Eve getting married. This text describing the original marriage is the basis for almost everything else the Bible says about marriage. It explains God’s reason for designing marriage and also gives us many principles which, if applied, will enable us to build marriages which honor God and bring lasting joy to us. Genesis 2 makes it very clear that marriage is a central part of God’s plan for the human race.
While not everyone will get married, and not everyone should get married, the fact remains that most people will be married at some point in life. Not everyone who reads these words is married, and not everyone who is married is in a healthy, growing relationship. In some ways it doesn’t matter what your particular situation might be. We all need to hear what God’s Word has to say.
1. The problem for man (Gen. 2:18-20)
A. God’s Declaration
“And the Lord God said, ‘It is not good that man should be alone; I will make him a helper comparable to him.’” (Genesis 2:18).
Context is always crucial when we study the Bible. Throughout Genesis 1, God surveyed His work and pronounced it good (Gen. 1:4, 10, 12, 18, 21, 25, 31). In Genesis 2 God planted a well-watered garden in Eden filling it with plants and trees. The word “Eden” means pleasure, delight or luxury. God placed man in this luxurious Garden of Eden to tend and keep it (Gen. 2:15). So in this beautiful, bountiful garden was a newly formed man without sin in a perfect world.
That is why the Lord God’s words in Genesis 2:18 hit us so abruptly and unexpectedly, “It is not good that man should be alone.” What could possibly be “not good”? Here’s a sinless man, in perfect fellowship with God, in a perfect environment. What more could you want? Isn’t that enough? Not according to God! God’s evaluation was that the man needed a human companion to correspond to him.
God says, “I will make him a helper comparable to him.” This tells us two crucial things. First, God was moving to meet the problem of Adam’s loneliness. Adam was the king of creation, yet something was lacking. The perfection of Eden could not satisfy the void within. In all of creation, only one thing was not good. It was not good for Adam to be alone.
Second, the woman was the answer to the man’s loneliness. Sometimes super-spiritual people say that if you’re lonely, there must be something wrong with your spiritual life, “shouldn’t God be enough?” Yes, our relationship with God is primary and essential. But God also acknowledges our need for human companionship also. And the first human fellowship that God ordains is marriage. This is not to say that every person needs to be married. Most of us spend many years of life as a single person. Indeed, God has called some to remain single (1 Cor. 7:7-9). Nor is it to say that marriage will meet all our needs for human companionship. Most of us will still have friends outside of marriage. But it is to say that a main reason God designed marriage was to meet the human need for companionship.
God’s answer to Adam’s problem was not another man or a group of men. It was not a women in general or one woman after another. The answer to Adam’s need was one woman—given by God—with whom he could spend his life.
God says he will make him “a helper.” Some might wrongly picture in the word “helper” someone who sweeps the floor, makes the beds, prepares the meals, and in general serves the man. But the Hebrew word (עֵזֶר `ezer) is not demeaning at all. Moses uses this word when he names his son Eliezer (meaning God is my helper) saying (Exo. 18:4), “The God of my father was my help, and delivered me from the sword of Pharaoh.” This word is often used of God’s help for those in distress and for military assistance (Deut. 33:4, 7, 26, 29; Ps. 20:2; 33:20; 70:5; 89:19; 115:9-11; 121:2; 124:8; 146:5). It points to the fact that the husband needs and even depends on his wife’s support and help. God is helping man through woman. What a beautiful thought.
And she is not just any helper, she is (Gen. 2:18) “a helper comparable to him.” The word “comparable” literally means “like opposite to.” Some translate this “corresponding to” or “suitable for” (NASB). The picture is that the woman is the missing part of the man. She is his complement. Just as two interlocking jigsaw puzzle pieces are the perfectly opposite, yet the perfect fit, so a woman is the perfect complement of the man. They are alike, yet they are opposite. Just as Eve was fashioned so as to correspond to Adam in a physical way, so she complemented him socially, intellectually, spiritually and emotionally. God designed it so that the man needs the woman and the woman needs the man (see 1 Cor. 11:11). Both are equal persons and yet have distinct roles to fulfill.
That is God’s declaration. Having said that, we might expect the next verse to say something like, “So God created Eve.” Instead we get,
B. Adam’s Investigation (Gen. 2:19-20)
“Out of the ground the Lord God formed every beast of the field and every bird of the air, and brought them to Adam to see what he would call them. And whatever Adam called each living creature, that was its name. So Adam gave names to all cattle, to the birds of the air, and to every beast of the field … ” (Genesis 2:19-20).
What is the point of Adam naming all the animals? The point is at the end of Genesis 2:20, “But for Adam there was not found a helper comparable to him.” As Adam names the animals, God is preparing him for marriage. He is teaching him to be a leader. The power to name is the power of authority. It’s what God did in Genesis 1, naming the “day” and “night”, the “seas” and “earth”. By giving Adam the right to name the animals, God was training him to be the king of creation.
God was also training him to be a lover. By naming all the animals, Adam likely discovered that for every animal there were both male and female. As Adam surveyed the animals he saw Mr. Giraffe and Mrs. Giraffe, Mr. Crocodile and Mrs. Crocodile, Mr. Eagle and Mrs. Eagle. And so it went throughout the animal kingdom—always male and female. But where in all creation could he find a counterpart for himself? God was creating within Adam a gnawing hunger for a mate, a hunger God would soon meet in the creation of Eve. God first made Adam feel the need for a wife. By naming the animals Adam is learning the limitations of his power. He could rule the world but he had no one to share his joy.
Without a wife, he could never be a husband. Without a queen, he could never be a king. He had no one to talk to, no one to laugh with, no one to taste the ripe peaches with him, to run through the meadows by his side, and no one to nestle with him in the evening.
So Genesis 2:18-20 has shown us that man needs woman. Next we see,
2. God’s provision of woman (Gen. 2:21-23)
“And the Lord God caused a deep sleep to fall on Adam, and he slept; and He took one of his ribs, and closed up the flesh in its place. 22 Then the rib which the Lord God had taken from man He made into a woman, and He brought her to the man.”
A. God’s Operation
God made Adam out of the dust (Gen. 2:7). Why didn’t He make Eve out of the dust? Why did He make her from Adam’s rib (Gen. 2:21-22)? When the text mentions Adam’s ribs, the word is general, meaning “from his side.” I believe God took a rib plus some flesh, which is why Adam says “bone of my bone and flesh of my flesh.” The point is, Eve is literally fashioned from Adam. She comes from the essence of who he is. I believe God did it to show Adam that his wife was a part of him, equal with him, not a lower creation. A man is to cherish his wife as his own flesh (Eph. 5:28-29). As has often been observed, she was not taken from Adam’s head to rule over him, nor from his feet, that he should trample her down, but she was taken from his side that he would protect her and keep her close to his heart.
Moses’ description of the creation of Eve is a bit surprising when you stop to think about it. It says that God made or fashioned a woman from the man’s rib. “Made” is literally, “built.” The verb pictures God as a sculptor, carefully and deliberately shaping the woman into a creature who would meet Adam’s need. Since she was built by God, you could safely say that she was well-built!
Genesis 2:22 tells us that Adam didn’t just wake up and find Eve lying beside him. Rather, God “brought her to the man.” It’s like God was the father of the bride and He personally brought her to Adam. There was no courtship and no dating. The first marriage was an arranged marriage. God presented Eve to Adam. And Adam looks up and sees Eve, not in a wedding dress, but naked! I’m not making this up, it’s what the Bible says (Gen. 2:25).
B. Adam’s Celebration
“And Adam said: ‘This is now bone of my bones And flesh of my flesh; She shall be called Woman, Because she was taken out of Man.’” (Genesis 2:23).
These are the first recorded words of the first man. They were not quite as mild as the various translations indicate. Adam’s speech in Genesis 2:23 begins with a poetic exclamation that unfortunately is lost in our English translations. “This is now” is an expression of joyous astonishment that means something like “Here, now!” or “This one, at last!” She is exactly what he has been longing for. Remember, Adam had been looking through all the animals for one corresponding to him and had come up empty. When God brought Eve to him, it’s like he shouted, “YES!”
Adam rejoices in God’s provision for his need. She is “bone of my bones And flesh of my flesh.” She is like him but also clearly she’s very different in several important ways. This verse means you’re made from the same stuff. You are joined so closely together that, as Paul notes in Ephesians 5:29, hating your spouse is like hating yourself. Adam accepts God’s gift on the spot. Proverbs 5:18 instructs young men to “Rejoice with the wife of your youth.” And Proverbs 18:22 reminds us, “He who finds a wife finds a good thing, And obtains favor from the LORD.” Husbands, do you treat your wife as God’s gift to you? When was the last time you thanked God for your wife? Husbands and wives, your spouse is God’s gift to you, His good gift! Live that way.
Next, Adam promptly names this new creation of God. He recognized that Eve was a part of him and named her accordingly: “She shall be called Woman [Heb., אִשָּׁה ‘ishshah] Because she was taken out of Man [Heb., אִישׁ ‘iysh].” While the sounds are similar, the roots of the two words are different. Appropriately ’ish may come from a root conveying the idea of ‘exercising power,’ while the term ’ishshah may be derived a word that means ‘to be soft’. Eve is taken from Adam, not Adam from Eve. Paul uses this priority in creation to make the point of male authority in 1 Timothy 2:13. This speaks of responsibility and spiritual accountability.
3. Timeless principles of marriage (Gen. 2:24-25)
“Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh. And they were both naked, the man and his wife, and were not ashamed” (Genesis 2:24-25).
In the closing verses of this chapter are Moses’ commentary on marriage. He lays out for us here the timeless principles of marriage. Genesis 2:24 begins, “Therefore” and has the sense of “for this reason” which is how Jesus says it when He quotes this verse in Matthew 19:5. Because God has designed marriage from the start; because the woman is the perfect complement of the man; because she is bone of man’s bone and flesh of his flesh—these things hold true. Marriage is:
A. An Exclusive Relationship
God did not create a father and mother for Adam, nor a child, but a wife. Marriage involves leaving and cleaving. “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother.” This means that the marriage relationship is primary, not the parent-child relationship. If you read through the Old Testament you will find that it was not the custom either before Moses or after Moses for a man to physically leave his father and mother when he took a wife. The custom was for a man to marry and remain in his father’s household, like Isaac did with Abraham and Jacob’s sons did with their father. Rather, it was the custom for the wife to join the family of the husband. So when Moses says, “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother,” it must be understood as an instruction for the priority, loyalty and intimacy that a man will give his wife. His first obligations and loyalties are to his wife. We are to leave our parents emotionally and financially in order to form a new family with our mate. The cord must be cut. This doesn’t mean abandoning parents or cutting off contact with them. But it does mean that a person needs enough emotional maturity to break away from dependence upon his parents to enter marriage. And parents need to raise their children with a view to releasing them.
Not only must there be a leaving, but there must also be a cleaving. Genesis 2:24 goes on, “… and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.” The word “joined” means “to stick to like glue.” So when you get married, you’re stuck! And it’s a good stuck! After Jesus quoted this verse, He added, “Therefore what God has joined together, let not man separate” (Matt. 19:6). This means that the marriage relationship must be built primarily on commitment, not on feelings of romantic love. Romantic love is important, but the foundation of marriage is a commitment of the will. It is a covenant before God (Mal. 2:14; Prov. 2:17). Commitment is what glues a couple together through the difficulties that invariably come.
Of necessity this demands an exclusive commitment that removes the possibility of looking around to see if we can get a partner we like better. In our culture we symbolize that commitment with a wedding ring. Someone has said that the wedding ring is a small piece of jewelry on your finger that cuts off your circulation. Marriage is an exclusive relationship. The text says, “To his wife,” not “wives.” Monogamy is God’s design: One man, one woman for life. Although God tolerated polygamy in Old Testament times, it was not His original intention. God easily could have created many wives for Adam, but He did not. Although God tolerates divorce today, it is not God’s original plan. One man, one woman, for life–that’s God’s design.
Marriage is not only meant to be an exclusive relationship, it is meant to be,
B. An Intimate Relationship
Genesis 2:24 ends, “and they shall become one flesh.” To become “one flesh” starts with the sexual relationship in marriage. “One flesh” is more than physical intimacy, of course, but it isn’t less than that. Out of the physical union comes a profound fusion of two hearts, two minds, two bodies, two personalities until they are so intertwined that it is hard to know where one ends and the other begins. In a good marriage the most important word is “ours,” not “mine” or “yours.” And as couples live together for a long time, they begin to act alike and sound alike and even to look alike. They even begin to think alike.
Sin always hinders intimacy, even in marriage. As soon as Adam and Eve sinned, they recognized their nakedness and began to hide themselves, not only from God, but also from one another. While as fallen sinners we can never experience what Adam and Eve knew with one another before the fall, to the extent that we deal with our sin before God and one another and grow in holiness, we will grow in personal intimacy. It takes constant work! Good marriages aren’t the result of luck in finding the right partner. They’re the result of couples who work daily at walking openly and humbly before God and with each other.
C. An Open Relationship
Genesis 2:25 tells us, “And they were both naked, the man and his wife, and were not ashamed.” This is both literal and figurative. It describes a relationship where there is nothing hidden because there is nothing to hide. In our world, we can’t walk around naked. Just talking about it now makes most of us uncomfortable. But in marriage a part of that original transparency can be regained. In the security of a lifetime loving commitment, a husband and wife can relax and feel comfortable together and slowly the walls can begin to come down. It is the work of decades. And that’s why you can be married 20, 30, 40, 50 years and still discover new things about each other. You are recapturing some of what Adam and Eve experienced in the beginning. That’s what it means—at a very deep level—to be naked and not ashamed.
A healthy marriage is the work of a lifetime. God has ordered the universe so that it is simply impossible for newlyweds to fully enter into a transparent relationship. That comes after years of hard work. Being newly married does have its own rewards, most notably the joy of taking the first few steps on a journey that will take a lifetime to complete. But God has seen fit to ordain that a good marriage gets better with age. That one fact ought to give hope to every struggling couple reading these words. God fully intends that your marriage be better next year than it is this year. Before you give up on your marriage, why not give God a chance to see what he can do?
Conclusion
Marriage was God’s first gift to the human race. Is a young man wrong to feel a desire for a young woman? No. Is it wrong for a woman to desire the companionship of a man? No. That desire is placed in the human heart by God. God planned the human heart for love, marriage, companionship, home and children.
A little boy sat through a Sunday School class and learned about the time Jesus went to a wedding and turned water into wine. “And what did you learn from that story?” asked his father. The boy thought for a moment and answered, “If you’re having a wedding, make sure Jesus is there.” That’s good advice. Put Jesus at the center of your marriage and no matter what else happens, you will truly live happily ever after.
The Bible says that God created marriage for a purpose bigger than itself: Marriage is a picture of the believer’s relationship with God. After discussing marriage and quoting Genesis 2:24, Paul writes, “This is a great mystery, but I speak concerning Christ and the church” (Eph. 5:32). Marriage is an earthly picture of the spiritual relationship that exists between Christ, the bridegroom, and the church, His bride. A husband and wife are one flesh; we are one spirit with the Lord (1 Cor. 6:17). Just as the church is to be subject to Christ, so the wife is to be subject to her husband. Just as Christ loves the church, so a husband is to love his wife. Just as the marital union results in children, so the union of the Lord and His church is to result in many offspring, to God’s glory.
That’s why it’s so important for you to work at developing a Christ-honoring relationship with your spouse. You’re working on a portrait of Christ and the church, and the world is looking over your shoulder. God’s glory is at stake!
